“so he has three sons who have one son each……. and all the three sons are married?”….i heard this and my brain froze for few seconds, how do i translate and ask a 90 year old man from an interior Haryana village if all his sons, father of one son each, are married. That’s when i understood that in India we take certain things for granted, everyone gets married- ever heard of someone ‘not’ getting married- unless u r a criminal, genius or schizophrenic , well actually even they might.
The seemingly innocent question came from someone whose dedication towards understanding the complexities of India society often made him bring out the things that are usually found under the Indian carpet. So everyone gets married, every married couple has children, no children are born out of marriages..etc
Traveling in the by-lanes of my own territory with a foreigner proved to be a breath of fresh air as i explained in great details the things that i never even noticed- “why does the bride not look happy?” he asked as he turned the pages of a wedding album. He was right the bride was not smiling, neither was she looking at the groom or the camera, he body language suggested that she was about to be executed not married. but what explanation did i have,”We take marriages seriously.” it was a fact, we do…..once u r married- u r done! unlike many cultures marriage is not based on commitment and love but love and commitment are a by product of marriages.
“SO no body gets divorced here cause they found someone else?” …..good questions i thought, “There are divorces and often caused by adultery and ‘finding someone else’ but no one likes it……i barely convinced my self…
The entire episode made me aware of how we as a country have inherited the idea of what is right esp in our personal lives, we have no problems if a husband is beating his wife or if the wife is an adulteress…”its their personal problems’ it may lead to gossip but no one will support separation unless its its the only other choice….other than suicide/murder. As long as the couple makes entries in social events looking happy ……we are all ok. Sp does it only depend on “appearance’? Considering how we expect married women to suddenly change their entire wardrobe and appearance , yes it is a matter of appearances as well. A long as you give the impression of happiness we will accept that yu are happy and hence by Indian standard- a good match.
Vrinews 